Crushed

Crushes are an odd thing.
They tend to come out of nowhere.
You can't control them. (trust me I've tried)
Instead you are stuck liking someone you don't want to.
The person who is way out of your league,
who doesn't even know you exist.
I am definitely crushing right now.
I shouldn't be,
but I am.
They are as close to perfect as you can get in this place.
But, it doesn't matter how great they may be.
Will they ever like me?
No.
In fact, my friend likes them.
They like each other actually.
But both are too afraid to make the first move.
They should date though.
They would be a good match.
Both hilarious and popular.
I want them to date.
Yeah it may suck for me,
but I can deal.
The thing about crushes,
you always get crushed.
I should be used to that by now.
Previous to my current crushee,
I have been crushed twice this year.
The first was a long-running crush;
from 8th to 11th grade.
Pretty lame I know.
More like stupid.
I knew they didn't like me back,
but I just couldn't leave it alone.
All I ever thought about was texting them,
hanging together.
Getting to know one another.
It never happened though.
We never even became friends.
That realization really hurt.
Still does.
I was more than crushed by them.
I was chewed up and spit out,
thrown in a shredder,
tossed into boiling water,
rung out,
sewn pack together with crappy workmenship,
then kicked to the ground.
That is how I felt.
And the feeling is still there.
It will resurface every once in awhile.
I will want to text them,
but I have to prevent myself from doing that.
I don't wanna get hurt like that again.
I won't be crushed by my current crush.
I am not a possibility for them,
nor I for them.
Yeah they are great,
but so am I.
I deserve to crush on someone who will crush on me back.
So until I crush on that person,
I am avoiding being crushed.
Peace.

Who Am I?

You may think you know me but you don't.
Who you think I am isn't me.
I am an awesome person,
though you may not see it.
I am caring.
I see what other people overlook.
See that girl over there,
the one laughing and smiling?
She is happy isn't she?
There you would be wrong.
She is unhappy and just wants to curl up in the fetal position.
Her friends make her feel like she is nothing and her home life sucks.
If you looked at her eyes you would see that.
What about that guy over there?
He seems like a care free, happy-go-lucky guy.
Incorrect.
He is miserable and you don't even realize it.
What about me?
How do I feel?
I look happy don't I?
Wrong again.
If this were baseball you would have just struck out.
Because you see,
I am not at all happy bub.
I am miserable.
But you wouldn't know.
You see what you want to see,
not what is right in front of you.
That is where you and I differ.
I see the pain in people.
I try to help them and make them feel better,
but the thing is they don't want me.
They want you.
So open your eyes.
Start caring about the people you "care" about.
I am not doing it anymore.
I shouldn't have to be hurt for caring.
So I am not.
Peace.

Sick & Tired

I'm done being what other people want me to be.
I am so sick and tired of being someone I am not for people who don't care.
I am not sure who my friends are anymore.
Almost everyone is fake.
I am so sick and tired of everyone.
Why do I need to change for the better when everyone else changes for the worse?
Whatever.
It doesn't matter anymore.
They can have their "fun."
And each other.
I don't need them to be happy.
They weren't there when I needed them before so why would they be there now?
They don't care.
I see that now.
But that is fine.
Because I don't care anymore.
They aren't the friends I thought they were.
I am sick and tired of being around them.
I am better off without them.
I have God.
That is all I really need.
My life may be lonely.
But at least I can be the person I am meant to be.
I will see some of you in Heaven.
But to the rest of you,
have fun being fake.
Thid kid is moving on.
I may appear happy.
I will be happy.
Just not with this group of people.
It is time to move on.
Be Matthew.
Not matt.
Peace.