God and Tears

All I want to do right now is curl up in a ball,
listen to some music,
and bawl my eyes out.
God should be all I ever need,
but it is so hard not to want other things.
I am so sick of being alone, single, mono, uno,
or anything else you want to call it.
Is it so bad that I want someone to talk to late at night,
who will talk back.
Does it make me a bad person because I want someone who is more than just a best friend?
Someone who loves me unconditionally and I love back.
Someone who will hold me at night,
and tell me everything will be okay.
Someone who doesn't want anything physical,
but a loving, spiritually and emotionally connected relationship.
I honestly don't think I will ever,
or even can have that type of relationship.
I know God loves me and is there,
but I just want someone here now to care about me.
As much as I have cared for the people I have liked.
I thought I knew them,
but they have all changed.
In six weeks there is no hope of them being in my life again.
I miss them already,
but I am nothing to them.
I am not anyone to anybody.
I want to leave so badly,
but yet I don't.
I don't because I don't wanna find out they never cared.
I can't take the pain of having to find that out.
What if I am not liked at college?
Do I even know who I am to be able to be me?
I don't want to be likes for someone that isn't me.
But I don't know if I can be the me I think I am and still be a Christian.
I will still love God,
but others will constantly tell me I don't.
I didn't choose this,
that I know of.
I don't fall for who I do on purpose.
But some people won't give me the time of day for me to explain that to them.
I am already torn apart by what they say,
and they don't even know.
I just want a relationship which is basically a best friendship.
But God gets to choose if and when that happens.
Not me, and certainly not you.
How I feel hurts,
but I know God feels my pain.
For now it is just me, God, and these tears.
Peace.