Regret

When I decided that I wanted to graduate early a lot of people told me I would regret it.
I didn't believe them.
I knew what was the best for me;
or so I thought.
I thought the best thing for me was to leave Southeast Warren,
and I believe it was.
I don't regret getting out of that place at all.
But I do regret leaving all my other friends behind.
I did what was best for ME,
only me.
I didn't think to consider what would have been better for the people I care about.
Honestly, I didn't really care about anybody but myself before this summer.
Everything was poor little Matthew and his terrible existence.
I was too naive to pay attention and see that school is difficult for everyone else too.
Life tends to be difficult;
for everybody.
Why couldn't I see that before?
I feel really guilty for leaving now.
Am I a terrible person?
Sometimes I think so.
My friends are miserable there and feel like they are alone.
I don't want them to feel like that,
I felt like that too long to wish it upon anyone.
I want to be there for them,
but I will be 3 hours away.
They can come to me for anything,
I just wish they knew that.
I tell people I am here whenever they need me,
but it seems nobody ever needs me.
They want to do it on their own.
But they should learn from my mistake and realize they can't.
If you don't want to talk to me and open up,
do it with somebody else;
anybody else.
It isn't good to keep things bottled up.
It leads to much worse things.
A place nobody should ever have to go.
I have grown up a lot this summer.
I think I have made a lot of strong friendships too.
I really hope I don't lose them.
It's hard to believe just a few months ago I wanted to leave my whole life and everyone behind.
Never look back.
But I know I can't do that.
I don't have to live in Iowa,
but I should still stay in contact with people;
including my family.
I wish I could just run away.
From myself.
Everything.
But I can't.
I need to grow up and learn that life is hard;
and full of regret.
Peace.