Sunshine and Bright Faces

I don't know why I am blogging right now. I don't want to think. I don't want people knowing what is going on inside of me. I don't want to be here. I've been home 3 days and I'm ready to leave. I don't belong here. These last few days have reminded me exactly why I left in the first place. I don't know who I am anymore. Every day I wake up and have to make the decision to pretend to be someone else. I don't even want to be the real me. But all this lieing is slowly killing me. I just want to be honest... I have no motivation for anything. Nothing makes me happy. I just don't care about anything. I want to run away. Run away from Iowa, Run away from JBU. Nobody knows me. You all know who I pretend to be. It's not like I'm close with anybody anyway. Nobody text me and tell me how I am the one who decided to graduate. I know that, I'm not stupid. That was the best decision I ever made. I hate the SEW community. Sorry I don't have the right last name and I'm not athletic. But I'm not pathetic. Everyone who stays around here is. It shows that they couldn't make it on their own. It's whatever. I just don't care. Apparently everyone was right. I'm not good enough. Congrats, I'm still the same fat loser I have always been. I'm sick of telling people that I have never even kissed anyone. Really even my friends don't know that? Shows how close we are. It's not by choice. I'm not good enough for anyone so why would anyone be interested in me? I have tried to "talk" but nothing ever happened. I'm not interesting. I'm boring. Yay I get to look forward to being alone. Guess I'll get a dog. At least it will just listen and not try to tell me that I'm being dumb. Is it too much to ask that someone just listen? I don't really care what you think. It's my life and I can make my own decisions. All I want is someone to shut up and listen. But everyone is selfish. We always have to direct the conversation to ourselves. I'm not that quiet. I just try to listen and let people figure out things on their own I don't want to type anymore. Peace.