Take Me As I Am

I just finished making note cards for Biology,
and I have a ton of homework still!
So I feel like rewarding myself with a little blogging.
It has been brought to my knowledge that my blog can sometimes be upsetting to people.
But it shouldn't.
Because the truth is I have been happier than I have ever been ever since tri-state time.
Have I fallen from God lately?
Big time!
Have I let it keep me from Him?
Yes and no.
The thing with me and God is,
we don't really see eye to eye.
He knows what He has planned for me,
I don't.
This frustrates me big time!
You should all know how planned I am,
I want everything to be structured and know how my life is going.
I know that isn't how it is going to be with God,
but I am stubborn.
I'm going to keep my life plans because that is what keeps me focused.
I just need to focus on God too.
The way I plan on doing this is by being as caring as I can be.
You know I'm not perfect,
I have my "insert sin here" that keeps me from the glory of God.
But you know that doesn't matter as much as being loving.
Yes I ask for forgiveness for my sins,
and I know I'm forgiven.
As we all are.
You can sin when and how you want,
fine by me.
As long as you learn from it,
that is fine by me.
I don't expect perfection from people anymore.
I've found that role models let you down every time.
I am trying to be my own role model now.
The only way I can impact other people is by first impacting myself.
I learned how to do that at some point.
I learned to love myself,
though I don't know when.
I have found it is much easier to love other people now that I have.
Don't try loving other people until you love yourself.
Once you love yourself,
love everyone more than you do yourself.
Look out for their best interests,
that is what I'm learning to do.
I know you have all messed up,
and I don't care.
That is between you and God,
it's not my place to judge.
God calls me to love above all else.
Anything I may say that comes off as judgment,
is my care for your well-being coming out.
I love you all!
I say I love you a lot now,
and it is a phrase I was never able to say before.
I didn't love for the longest time.
I hated love.
But love is happiness.
Which is why I am so happy now.
So when you read my deep, thoughtful, mournful, and depressing posts,
remember that I am happy (but don't be afraid to ask if I'm okay :))
How could I be unhappy anymore?
Yeah I have my bad days,
and I know it seems like I'm still depressed but I'm not.
At least not anymore.
These posts are my outlet to get out any upsetting thoughts I may have.
Once they are out I can move forward.
I love you guys so much!
It's hard to believe at one point in my life I wanted to leave all of you behind,
focus on being successful.
But with that mindset I never would have been successful.
You guys are what drive me to succeed now.
I want to succeed for you guys.
Prove to you that your belief in me was not wasted.
I know I have immense potential,
but so do all of you.
I believe in you guys completely.
You can do anything you set your minds to!
Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
Are there going to be obstacles in all of our lives that hault our success?
Of course.
But power through,
you'll make it.
And I will be right there with you every step of your journey.
In heart and spirit I will always be with you guys.
Even when I am living who knows where,
who knows how far from you guys.
You are all in my life for a reason.
Remember that I am always here to talk to.
I know it's difficult to talk to someone when your down,
or caught up in your sin.
But come to me anyways.
I'm not going to judge you and I won't preach at you if that is not what you want.
I will not watch any of you get to a place I was,
so just love.
Love yourself enough to confide in me. :)

My name is Matthew and I am an awesome person. I will change people's lives and make a difference in this world, it may not be huge, but it will be a difference nonetheless. 

My name is Matthew and I have amazing friends (this includes you Erick).

My name is Matthew and I am confident in my self.

My name is Matthew and through God I can do all things for He gives me strength.

My name is Matthew and I stole Carrie's trademark but she is okay with it because she loves her bro :)

My name is Matthew and I am going to be Valedictorian and Student Body President.

My name is Matthew and I am an overachieving nerd. :)

My name is Matthew and I have screwed up a lot, but I keep holding on becasue I believe the worst is over.

My name is Matthew and I believe God calls us all to love each other no matter what sins the Bible may condemn.

My name is Matthew and I believe there is no such thing as a "worse sin."  If you condemn anybody you are being hypocritical.

My name is Matthew and I'm not exactly sure who I am, but God will lead me to the answer one day.

My name is Matthew and I no longer regret past decisions.

My name is Matthew and I am happy because of all of you.

My name is Matthew and I need to get back to homework.

My name is Matthew and I will be there for anyone who needs me whenever they need me from now on.

My name is Matthew and I'm not the most attractive person and I am afraid of being in a relationship.

My name is Matthew and I am an open book, though my story is still being written and edited.  So don't judge me until you have read the whole series (yes series, I am too complex for 1 book; that is the lazy way out)

My name is Matthew and I always end blogs with one word...

Peace.