That is the Question

To Date, or Not to Date?

In the current age, 2011, many American teens spend their free time watching television and movies.  In almost every movie created in the United States, part of the plot involves a love interest between the male lead and his attractive female counterpart.  The relationship is generally based on the physical aspects of a person rather than love. These depictions of relationships greatly influence the minds of American youth.  As these children become teenagers, they begin to date and form romantic relationships, basing their decisions of who they would like to be their significant other on appearance.  Teenagers don’t try to fully analyze the similar interests they may have with each other; they are more focused on getting to “know” each other better.  This type of behavior is very harmful to young people.  What teenagers fail to realize is that when they sleep with someone their bodies make a promise whether they intend to or not.  Every teenager needs to decide (with their mind and body) whether or not they are ready for the commitment that comes with dating and physical relations.

As humans teenagers have a longing for love and companionship.  They yearn for someone to care about them at an emotional (as well as physical) level.  During times when teenagers are feeling down, when they are unable to handle all of the stress and responsibility that is being thrown upon them, they want someone around to converse with.  Teenagers, girls especially, try to find comfort in someone else.  They look for someone who will be there to comfort them when they are upset; a person who can hold them in their arms and say, “Everything will be okay.”

What teenage girls do not realize is that teenage guys aren’t usually looking for the same thing in a relationship as they are.  Teenage guys may be there to hold and comfort their girlfriends during times of distress, but they are usually expecting to get “a little more” out of the deal.  Guys usually date girls in high school with one goal in mind, getting laid.  It is an upsetting, but accurate statement.  This doesn’t mean that teenage guys only care about sex, it just means that it is the largest force in their mind.  Due to hormones, an increasing amount of testosterone, and the animal instinct to reproduce sex is a constant idea in teenage males’ heads.  Guys date girls because they find them attractive.  At some time or another, hormones help in turning this attraction into lust; if it didn’t start as such.  Eventually in the relationship sex will become an option. 

Teenagers do have a choice in whether or not they practice abstinence within their relationships.  Whether they believe it or not, no is always a response they can utilize.  In fact, “no” is the response all teenagers should be using in their relationship, at least until both parties reach a common consensus about sex.  When thinking about “taking the next step” in their relationships, teenagers do not always evaluate it fully.  Often times, teenage couples start having a physical connection when they aren’t quite ready for one.  This can be very harmful to their relationship. 

Sex changes a relationship, sometimes for the better, but often for the worse.  Adding physical activity to a relationship adds to the complexity of that relationship.  Once one starts having sex (in most cases) they usually want it to continue.  If one person in the relationship decides that they no longer want to continue the physical part of their relationship, one of three things most commonly occurs.  One thing that can happen when one is approached by their partner about ending their sexual activity involves the person asked halting their sex life, thus respecting their partner’s wishes and no longer having sex.  More common than ending sexual activity within a relationship is persistence by the one approached in continuing their sexual activity.  When this occurs the person wanting to abstain from sex has two choices, compromising their decision and continuing to have sex or ending the relationship.  If a couple plans to stay together for the “long-haul,” the answer isn’t always yes when it comes to sex.  Sometimes it is better to know to say no.

When teenagers abstain from having premarital sex during their relationships, they protect themselves from possible regret later on in life (though not all with regret it).  For those teens that choose to be sexually promiscuous, there is the constant risk of sexually transmitted disease and unplanned pregnancies.  Even having sex once can result in something that isn’t in your life plans, changing your life forever.  For most teens, having a child while still in school is not a goal they wish to fulfill.  Every time one has sex (even if it is only once), there is the possibility of getting pregnant.  Having a child completely changes a person (and a couple), sometimes for the better, but almost always for the worse if the couple did not plan the child.  It can tear the relationship apart.  This doesn’t mean that if you get pregnant in high school you should get an abortion in the hopes of keeping your relationship.  Many teenage relationships have still ended even if the child was aborted, often times because of the abortion itself.  To avoid possible regret and unplanned children, teenagers should practice safe sexual activity if they choose to be sexually active.

Not all teen dating is bad; when teenagers have the right goal in mind, marriage, dating is the best thing there is.  Most teenagers don’t date with the thought of marriage in sight; it is the furthest thing in their mind.  The main reasons teenagers date is for fun, for support, for the connection, and to release sexual urges they believe to be common to all human beings.  Many teenagers in this society (the United States) do not date someone because they necessarily love them and wish to marry them.  They just want someone who will love them and/or be there for them physically.  It is very harmful to date someone just because you find them attractive, though.  Once you date someone they will always be the first person you were in a relationship with.  Later down the line you may realize that they aren’t right for you and the time you had with them was spent in vain.  What happens then?  Do you regret the decision to be with that person and refuse to date again?  Or do you take it as a learning experience and decide more carefully who you choose to be your significant other later on in life?

Another problem with dating today is that more and more couples in the United States are starting to live with each other before marriage. Couples see this as a beneficial step towards a successful marriage.  What they fail to recognize, is that living together makes it much easier for them to have premarital sex, creating one of the aforementioned unplanned pregnancies.  Couples such as these are then rushed into marriage before they can spend sufficient time analyzing whether or not they are the right fit for each other.  Young couples are forced into making a lifelong commitment to each other because of an unplanned child, a commitment that is difficult to keep when the couple never truly loved each other to begin with.  It is not surprising that young marriages, between people from 20 to 24 years of age, result in the highest number of divorces.  Young people today do not realize the binding contract they are making with someone when they get married.  Marriage is until “death do you part,” not when “the sex isn’t good anymore.”  The worst thing that anyone could do, regarding marriage, is base a marriage on sex. For a marriage to be pleasant and last, both persons involved need to love each other at both an emotional and spiritual (if not religious) level.  Being in love is easy; continuing to love a person is work.  If a couple truly wants to stay together they have to make the choice to love each other.      

Divorce in the United States is on the rise, a devastating but accurate assertion.  In rare cases divorce is necessary, such as cases of adultery and violence.  There is no reason for a divorce to end just because people refuse to work on their marriage, though.  Too many couples today take the concept of marriage too frivolously.  Marriages continue to subside because people don’t place enough scrutiny on who they decide to marry early on in the relationship. People in the United States today tend to jump into marriage without completely knowing their partner intellectually.  Many marriages end sooner than they should, while others never should have started in the first place.  Chances are if a relationship is rocky when first dating and tensions continue throughout the relationship, the tensions of the relationship will not end once the marriage starts.    

Forming romantic relationships as young teenagers is riskier than most people realize.  When entering a relationship with someone, you give up at least a small part of yourself.  You open up your mind, your thoughts, and let them know who you truly are.  Being in a relationship with someone can be very harmful; when you let someone in, when you put your trust into them, you make yourself vulnerable.  Not to mention, that if you were to have given yourself to them, they will always be the first person you were with physically, something that can never be taken back. One thing everyone must ask themselves before ever committing to a relationship is whether or not it is in their best interest to be with that person.  To date, or not to date, that is the question.